Core Beliefs
What people believe about
themselves affects them in their daily lives. McKay and Fanning have identified
10 core beliefs. They are: self-esteem, safety, competency, control,
lovability, autonomy, justice, belonging, trust, and standards.
It is better to rate
yourself higher on these beliefs than lower. However, if you think you might be
low on one, self-esteem for instance, then you might also be low on a few
others.
If you are low on
self-esteem, then you probably put other people first, give yourself the burnt
chop, don’t take compliments well, and you might also want to please others so
you might be unassertive too. When I was young this is where I was at. I was
teased at school because of my stammer and I ended up with low self-esteem. So
if I had gone through the 10 core beliefs then I would probably have been low
on self-esteem, control and competence. I couldn’t just say thank you to a
compliment – I would always disagree with it. I didn’t see myself as being in
control since I thought others had better ideas. Additionally because I wanted
to please others I was very non-assertive.
Luckily I didn’t fall in
with the wrong crowd. So I survived my teens. I could actually say no on some
occasions and to some things, but it depended on the situation and who was
asking or telling. I knew I had low self-esteem. Then I started buying
self-help books. One of the first I came across was Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life. This book
inspired me to change my self-esteem. So I took up the practise of repeating to
myself about 20 times a day “I love and approve of myself” while looking at
myself in the mirror. I did this until I could believe it. Having improved my
self-esteem, I was then able to begin to take a risk and to say “no” a bit more
often.
Gradually I began to feel
better about myself. I started thinking that I deserved the best and that I
deserved compliments. So I could then just say “Thank you” to anyone giving me
a compliment. That made me feel good. I was then able to believe in myself and
could say “no” to people in authority. This helped me to feel more in control
of myself and my life. My boundaries were firmer.
Studying psychology put
another layer of positive beliefs about me into the mix. Later, working as a
psychologist and helping others to change their beliefs about themselves and
their lives also improved my beliefs about myself.
Now as a life coach I am
well qualified to coach people to help them improve their self esteem and other
core beliefs, as well as assertiveness since I know the steps and the process
to change these beliefs to a higher level and to change behaviour to become
more assertive. Please contact me if you would like some coaching in this area.
Visit my website at: http://www.directionscoaching.net.au
