Tuesday, 12 August 2014

Visualisation



Visualisation

Visualisation is a powerful tool that you can use in everyday life. It can be used to practice behaviours and scenarios in the future, for letting go of emotions that are attached to past events, and can also be helpful to use in meditation and relaxation.

Visualisation works because your brain can’t tell the difference between real experience and imagined experience – it’s all in your head when it comes down to it.

Studies have shown that visualising helps athletes improve their performance. For example a swimmer might imagine that his or her body is covered in oil and so might swim faster. Practising in your mind is almost as good as doing it in real life.

You might have an important event coming up such as an interview, or you might want to have an important discussion with a loved one, or you might like to put a new behaviour into place in your life. All these things will be easier using visualisation to practice before the actual real life moment.

When you are visualising it is important to involve all your senses, so that you have in your mind the things you will see, the colours that would be there, what you and others would be doing, what you would be hearing, what you would be feeling, as well as any touching or tasting if appropriate.

If you find it difficult to actually see the images with your eyes closed, then tell yourself what you would be seeing if you could see it. Words work too.

Visualising can also be helpful to process past events. You can reduce the emotion that is attached to an event by giving your brain the message to let it go. You can use any imagery that works for you. For instance, you might like to put your embarrassment, guilt or other negative emotion into the basket of a hot air balloon and then watch it as it floats up into the sky and out of sight. Perhaps you would like to dump your negative emotions into a rubbish bin that is outside your front door, ready to be collected. This particular visualisation is good to use after you come home from work or at the end of the day. Leave the day’s thoughts and emotions outside in the bin so that you don’t let it affect your home life

Visualisation can also help you to meditate and relax. Imagine that you are sitting on the bank of a creek or river. There is a tree a little bit upstream that every now and then drops a leaf and that leaf comes into your view and you watch it as it is carried downstream by the water. Treat your thoughts like those leaves. When a thought comes into your mind, just say ‘There’s that thought again’ and let it go out of your mind just like the leaf disappears out of sight. Keep in your mind the image of you sitting quietly on the riverbank watching the water, the leaves, feeling the warmth of the sun, perhaps hearing some birds. And time will pass.

                                   www.directionscoaching.net.au

Sunday, 6 July 2014

Meditation



Meditation is a good daily practice to engage in. While it takes a bit of practice to get to a stage of just being in the moment it is worth it. Studies looking at the benefits of meditating suggest that it boosts immunity, gives emotional balance, increased fertility, relief of irritable bowel syndrome, lowers blood pressure, has an anti-inflammatory effect and gives calmness.

Meditation is quite easy to do. You don’t have on sit on the floor cross-legged or sit in any other pose. Just sit in a chair, legs uncrossed, close your eyes and breathe regularly. You can if you like pay attention to your breath. You can if you like count 1 as you breathe in and count 2 as you breathe out. Or you can count to 20 and then start again and continue. However you do it, just take a step back from your thoughts. When you realise you are thinking something, don’t follow it but say to yourself “There’s that thought again.”

You might like to visualise yourself in front of a blackboard and when you have a thought that thought comes up onto the blackboard. And then you scrub it out. The idea is to get to a state of just being in the present moment. Whenever thoughts come into your mind, just scrub them out and go back to being in the present moment. It is a bit hard at first but after awhile it is a lot easier. Sometimes it’s not easy to switch off from what is happening in your life. However, if you persevere then you will be rewarded.

Even if you start out with 10 minutes of meditating a day then you will make progress. I have been doing 10 minutes of meditating in the mornings since January this year and in June my blood pressure and pulse measurements were the lowest ever. So it works.

Work meditating into your daily routine. You will find out whether the morning or evening works best for you – or perhaps you’d like to do it at both times. Whatever works it doesn’t matter just as long as you do it.

Visit my website at www.directionscoaching.net.au

Wednesday, 7 May 2014

Making Decisions



Making Decisions

As you go through your day and your life you need to make decisions. Sometimes these decisions are easy to make because the stakes are not very high. For instance it’s quite ok to go shopping now rather than later. However, sometimes you may be faced with a choice in which the stakes are higher. Even for fairly low stake decisions you can follow a conscious process. If you have worked out your top 10 values for instance or can at least articulate the values that are important to you, then you can ask yourself the question “Does this decision uphold my values?” If it does, then go ahead with it. This process is also similar if you have worked out a goal that you want to achieve. The question to ask in this case then is “Does this decision help me to achieve my goal?” If it does, then it may well be a good decision provided it also upholds your values.

When faced with a big decision the above two processes may not be enough. In this case, it is good to sit down and write down the advantages of doing something on one side of a page and the disadvantages of doing it on the other side. When you have brainstormed as many advantages and disadvantages as you can think of, ten go through them all and rate them between 1 and 10, where 10 is most important and 1 is least important. Next, look through the ratings. If there is a 10 on the disadvantage side for example, then this might be enough for you to decide not to go ahead with it. It depends on the reason you gave it a 10. On the other had, it might mean that you need to do further investigation. Before you make an important decision it is a good idea to discuss the decision with other people, whether family, friends or experts, or all. If you at least see an expert then this might give you enough information to make an informed decision. When you take care to have as much information as you can and ensure that your values are being met as well as your goals, then you will be able to accept the responsibility for the results from your decision.





Visit my website at www.directionscoaching.net.au

Thursday, 10 April 2014

Book launch speech by Mary Hutchison



Diana’s book launch – speaker Mary Hutchison, a Canberra-based author and public historian

It’s a great pleasure to be launching Diana’s book Setting Yourself Free: a practical guide to self-change, and to be part of the celebration of her achievement.  Particularly because she’s my sister.

A book launch is a great opportunity to tell something of the story of a book beyond what is between the covers.  I want to tell you a bit about the journey of writing Setting Yourself Free, as well as introduce you to its content and intentions.

Diana wrote the first draft during the 1990s and I can remember our mother Elizabeth announcing with pride, and some surprise, ‘Diana’s written a book!’   I also remember having coffee with Diana and a psychologist friend of ours at around the time she must have been working on it.  Her conversation with Henry that day about aspects of her work as a psychologist in the NSW Department of Corrective Services gave me a glimpse of the issue that is central to her practice – then as a psychologist, now as a life coach – the issue of how people can take charge of their lives and set a course for themselves that is positive and fulfilling.  This issue is the raison d’etre, the heart, of Setting Yourself Free.

At the same time that Diana was thinking about this issue in relation to the wide range of people she counselled in the prison system, she was also starting to seek new directions for herself.  This eventually led to a graduate diploma in the psychology of life coaching at Sydney University. As she says, the book grew out of her own journey of self-discovery, as well as having its genesis in her professional practice. 

As you may have gathered Setting Yourself Free has been something of a family affair. One of Diana’s first readers of her first draft of the book was our cousin Rod Hutchison.  For many years Rod had been creating exquisite small pen and ink drawings of local landscapes and Diana wondered whether he would do some illustrations for the book.  He agreed, and in a departure from his usual style responded to what Diana had written through a series of perceptive, wry cartoons that highlight moments in the process of working out who you are and what you want.  I am so sorry that Rod did not live to see the book published but I am very glad that he is part of it.

As things worked out, it wasn’t until a number of years after Rod had done the illustrations, when Diana thought she had almost let go of her psychologist self, that she came back to the book.

My own role in helping with redrafting and editing came at this point of the book’s  development.   At this stage another family member, Michelle Herriot, also read the book and provided comments which fed into my work with Diana. This involved  successive drafts created at a distance using email and track changes – (not Diana’s favourite) – and detailed sessions at Diana’s kitchen table.  It was an interesting process for both of us – moving us into a relationship more related to our different expertises than our position as sisters, which in turn required new ways – I think better ways – of communicating.

This is a small example of how the process of writing the book has been as much about self-discovery and change as its content.  For Diana it has been a long term experience of personal development, which she stepped into on the basis of the same principles and practices that she writes about in the book.   In working on the book with her, I became part of that experience.

I think it’s a great strength of Setting Yourself Free that it is so thoroughly based on both professional and personal experience. Another great strength is that Diana talks about personal development in a very practical and down to earth way. She provides simple examples of how we work psychologically as a basis for exercises which she sets out as a step by step program. And I think a third strength is the way Rod’s sympathetic humorous illustrations highlight the process Diana describes.

Diana wrote Setting Yourself Free particularly to encourage and support people who might be making conscious changes in their lives for the first time – people who have perhaps reached a decision that change is necessary to improve their lives but are unsure about the next step. But making life changes is a daunting  task whatever our experience.  Lessons we think we have learned usually have to be learned again in the context of the particular circumstances we find ourselves in.  So Setting Yourself Free may offer food for thought for anyone in the process of sorting out life issues.

One of the sections in Setting Yourself Free I found most instructive is about communication. It’s something I generally think I’m pretty good at understanding, but the way Diana describes what can go wrong in communication helped me realise that in one particular situation I had been ignoring something that when you know about it seems obvious.  The distance between obvious and insoluble can be so near and yet so far. Another aspect of the book that strikes a chord with me is that it doesn’t promise a quick fix or marvellous revelations.  It emphasises the hard work of
working out life directions and setting goals to achieve them.  Diana’s model for self-change is not a recipe for instant results but a map for an ongoing journey. 

I want to finish with a summary of what I see as the key ingredients of the book.

In Setting Yourself Free, Diana highlights aspects of the process of taking charge of your life that are crucial for anyone to take into account as they work on change, whether a whole of life change or changing the outcomes in a particular context – and whether they are new to considering their directions in life or not.  She has stern words to say about taking responsibility for our actions. She offers ways of identifying our impact on others. She suggests ways of moving carefully through the process.  She invites us to think about what we value and shows how this can lead to a sense of purpose.  She encourages us to think about what we believe about ourselves and suggests ways of replacing beliefs that hold us back with ones that move us forward. And she provides a model for setting goals that are achievable.

Setting Yourself Free provides a program for change that people can follow if they wish, or adapt to their own needs.  It is also a straightforward guide to the self that provides important reminders about how we work as individuals and in interaction with each other.  It offers tools that can help individuals take greater charge of their lives and set directions that are relevant it them.  It also understands the difficulties that people can experience in learning about themselves and making changes and offers encouragement through the process.  Setting Yourself Free respects its readers and believes in their capacity to make changes in their lives for the better. 

These ingredients seem to me to be the essence of life coaching and I like to think of the book as a pocket life coach.

I now declare this pocket life coach launched and commend it to you.




To find more about my book go to www.directionscoaching.net.au




 








Sunday, 9 February 2014

Change : Setting Goals



Setting Goals

In order to make changes in your life it is vital to set goals and to work toward achieving them. Goal setting is an important part of achieving what you want in life. If you know what you want, then you can make the right choices to achieve your goal and then you will know it when you have reached it. Effort and time are required in this process. Unless you take action and put your goal into place and the strategies that will help you get to your goal, nothing will happen.

It is important to set realistic goals. Unless it is practical and achievable, your goal is just a dream. Your goals also need to be SMART:

Specific – What will your goal be? The more specific the better.
Measurable – How will you measure your achievement along the way?
Attractive – you need to want to achieve your goal
Realistic – Your goal needs to be possible and practical
Time-framed – When will you achieve it by?

The more SMART you can make your goals the better you will be able to work towards achieving them. It is a matter of working out if your goal is a long term goal, medium term goal or short term goal. Then once you have that you can sort out the steps or strategies that you will take to reach your goal. It might be that if you have a long term goal then you might work out interim goals that you might achieve at 3 monthly intervals. So these shorter term goals support the long term goal. Then you can work out the weekly strategies that you should action so that your goal can be attained in the time allotted.

It is helpful to write your goals down and have a journal where you are doing the measurements of whatever your goal consists of and even writing up on a weekly basis how you are going on your path to your goal. If you have a self change goal then it is good to write down at the end of each day what you noticed about your behaviour and that of others around your goal behaviour. See my blog on self monitoring for more information about this.

It is possible to work on about 3 goals at a time. Have one short term goal and two longer term ones. Then you might be a bit more motivated if you see that it only takes a little while to achieve one goal.

Goals need to be attractive to you, they also need to be a bit of a challenge, but at the same time you should be reasonably confident that you can achieve the goal.

Goals need to be reviewed regularly. If you are making progress towards the goal and are on track with timing, then you don’t need to change anything. However, if you are not on track then perhaps the goal needs to be more specific, or some of the strategies might need to be altered. You might need to do some research on the topic. And that would be a short term goal in itself.

For more information you might like to buy my book “Setting Yourself Free”, which you can do on my website at http://www.directionscoaching.net.au

Saturday, 28 December 2013

Change - Discovering Issues



Change – Discovering Issues

In the process of becoming more self aware to work out what you want to change, discovering your issues is an important step. You may consciously know what your issues are but sometimes it helps to clarify them and write them down. To start, make a list of the things that you both admire and cannot stand in others. Those things you have a strong reaction to. For the negative, it is important to admit that it belongs to you in some way, and for the positive you yourself have the capacity to achieve those same qualities even if you don’t think you have right now. Now you have some issues to think about and maybe at least one possible goal that you could set and achieve.

Another way of discovering issues is to look at patterns in your relationships. Pick a type of relationship to look at. It might be boss-employee, partnerships or friendships for example. Think back and write down your observations of how each instance went – how it started, what happened, and how it ended. When you have as many relationships as you can remember look at each instance and note if there is a pattern. If the same thing happened each time, or most of the time, then this is a pattern and is an issue for you. Then look at the underlying emotion or state – for example it might be jealousy, not being assertive enough or something else.

Once you have named it, then you can call it a theme in your life. You might have been working on this theme for a while already, and you might need to continue working on it. But having identified what the issue is, you can now take steps to work on it specifically through setting a goal around it and changing your feelings about it. Then you will be able to act differently when a similar situation arises again. At the very least you will be able to make progress around your issue and no doubt this is what you want.

Tuesday, 12 November 2013

Change - Core Beliefs



Core Beliefs

What people believe about themselves affects them in their daily lives. McKay and Fanning have identified 10 core beliefs. They are: self-esteem, safety, competency, control, lovability, autonomy, justice, belonging, trust, and standards.

It is better to rate yourself higher on these beliefs than lower. However, if you think you might be low on one, self-esteem for instance, then you might also be low on a few others.

If you are low on self-esteem, then you probably put other people first, give yourself the burnt chop, don’t take compliments well, and you might also want to please others so you might be unassertive too. When I was young this is where I was at. I was teased at school because of my stammer and I ended up with low self-esteem. So if I had gone through the 10 core beliefs then I would probably have been low on self-esteem, control and competence. I couldn’t just say thank you to a compliment – I would always disagree with it. I didn’t see myself as being in control since I thought others had better ideas. Additionally because I wanted to please others I was very non-assertive.

Luckily I didn’t fall in with the wrong crowd. So I survived my teens. I could actually say no on some occasions and to some things, but it depended on the situation and who was asking or telling. I knew I had low self-esteem. Then I started buying self-help books. One of the first I came across was Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life. This book inspired me to change my self-esteem. So I took up the practise of repeating to myself about 20 times a day “I love and approve of myself” while looking at myself in the mirror. I did this until I could believe it. Having improved my self-esteem, I was then able to begin to take a risk and to say “no” a bit more often.

Gradually I began to feel better about myself. I started thinking that I deserved the best and that I deserved compliments. So I could then just say “Thank you” to anyone giving me a compliment. That made me feel good. I was then able to believe in myself and could say “no” to people in authority. This helped me to feel more in control of myself and my life. My boundaries were firmer.

Studying psychology put another layer of positive beliefs about me into the mix. Later, working as a psychologist and helping others to change their beliefs about themselves and their lives also improved my beliefs about myself.

Now as a life coach I am well qualified to coach people to help them improve their self esteem and other core beliefs, as well as assertiveness since I know the steps and the process to change these beliefs to a higher level and to change behaviour to become more assertive. Please contact me if you would like some coaching in this area.